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Tuesday, September 25th, 2001
7:10 pm - lol in case you care
for those who didn't know i was a geek........

new star trek series begins tomorrow

that should clear that up now

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Monday, September 24th, 2001
1:09 pm - Don't pet the sweatty things
Not alot going on, getting ready to switch some stuff online new screen name and probably journal.

Miss feeling safe and loved been awhile, just feel like an empty face in a crowd. To everyone on my list I will be sending you my new sn, I just want a change not to lose any of you. Miss you Chelsie and Jessy and others

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Friday, September 21st, 2001
8:57 pm - something to smile at
http://www.livenudecats.com/index.html

current mood: dorky

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Thursday, September 13th, 2001
11:41 pm
11, 93, 175, and 77 flight numbers
11 = Today's Date
9+3 = 12 = Tomorrow
1+7+5 = 13 = Thursday
7+7 = 14 = Friday

In the City of God there will be a great thunder, two brothers torn apart by chaos, while the fortress endures, the great leader will succumb.", " third big war will begin when the big city is burning." "on the 11th day of the 9 month that...two metal birds wouldcrash into two tall statues...in the new city... and the world will end soon after"
- Nostradamus 1654-

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Friday, September 7th, 2001
10:16 pm - long time since post
rules to live by

remember that sneezing with your eyes open is gonna hurt
shave your pubes
do not solve puzzles that open portals to hell
don't give psychopaths any form of mind altering substace *has made this mistake before*
be on the look out, cuz it's possible, that at any moment, a gimp is going to walk out of the bathroom at "Royal's" with john travolta handcuffed and naked..so watch out
don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing
if you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and findout that it's just the cat, get the hell out!!!
if your children begin speaking to you in latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately..it will save you a lot of grief in the long run. however..it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. this also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
when it appears that you have killed a monster, mummy, witch, or any other mythical demon, don't check to see if it's really dead.
if your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help. if you think that it is strange because you thought you had 3/4 of a tank, shoot yourself instead. you are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

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Sunday, August 12th, 2001
9:35 am - fuck this
sick of being nice and giving a shit

sick of loving and just getting treated like shit

none of you care so kiss my ass

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Tuesday, August 7th, 2001
11:01 pm
should have a new journal and stuff up soon its time to be alone, time to not feel, its already to late for everything else

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9:53 pm - I have always feared my sins would come back to repay me
every finger in the room is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces then i get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
figures that my courage would choose to sell out now
I've beeen looking for a saviour in these ditry streets
looking for a saviour beneath these dirty sheets

i've been raising up hands drive another nail in
just what god needs one more sinner
why do we crucify ourselves every day
I crucify myself nothing I do is good enough for you
crycify myself every day
my heart is sick of being in chains
got a kick for a dog beggin for love
I gotta have my suffering so that i can have my cross

I've been raising up my hands drive another nail in
got enough guilt to start my own religion
please be
save me
I cry

current mood: contemplative

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Monday, August 6th, 2001
10:34 pm
Death will not come soon enough

I'm sorry

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11:01 am - longing for you
Yes, this is back up but only as a reminder of where the soul existed. I am at the end of the road if you travel it you will see me there. Crucified and strung up but not as christ who was innocent but as the criminal that was punished for his crime. So have no pity because this is my own doings and infliction's. Spit on me and give me what I deserve. No pity just shame. I must pay for my sins and the cost is dearly.
I cannot escape my destiny even though for alit I thought it would be something else but I knew deep down it is to be alone. If you ask I shall simply reply I'm fine because there is nothing anyone can do for fate has spoken. I await death so perhaps my soul can move on and search for what it yearns for. Love is a fleeting thing and at least in this lifetime will not be reached. I accept this as there is nothing I can do to change it.
My heart and soul longer are here but they are gone and alone wander looking for hope that will not come. I do have to say I love you and always will. There is no beauty left in me just the ugliness that was always there.

current mood: nevermore

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11:01 am - longing for you
Yes, this is back up but only as a reminder of where the soul existed. I am at the end of the road if you travel it you will see me there. Crucified and strung up but not as christ who was innocent but as the criminal that was punished for his crime. So have no pity because this is my own doings and infliction's. Spit on me and give me what I deserve. No pity just shame. I must pay for my sins and the cost is dearly.
I cannot escape my destiny even though for alit I thought it would be something else but I knew deep down it is to be alone. If you ask I shall simply reply I'm fine because there is nothing anyone can do for fate has spoken. I await death so perhaps my soul can move on and search for what it yearns for. Love is a fleeting thing and at least in this lifetime will not be reached. I accept this as there is nothing I can do to change it.
My heart and soul longer are here but they are gone and alone wander looking for hope that will not come. I do have to say I love you and always will. There is no beauty left in me just the ugliness that was always there.

current mood: nevermore

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Friday, August 3rd, 2001
12:27 pm
The epitome of nothingness is realizing that everything around you is real -- the tears are real -- the loneliness is real -- the silence is real -- and the hurt is real -- we all know that in the grand scheme of life, things happen and disappear -- one thousand obituaries are recycled everyday -- true, we are nothing to the world -- but you are the world to me.

Can't wait to see little Jaime someday :) sounded so cute

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Thursday, August 2nd, 2001
12:54 am
"I got into an argument with my rice crispies. I distinctly heard snap, crackle and fuck you!" -George Carlin

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Wednesday, August 1st, 2001
7:57 am - I hate the mornings
Well haven't wrote for a couple of days. Things are better now and passed any crisis. I hate being like that so angry and so vunerable. Thats what love and life is about though. You can't have the pleasure unless you can endure the pain.

I also hate having to get up early as it is, my roommate needs a ride to the airport to pick up this girl he has coming in for a few days. It sucks because she is going to be staying here. Like I feel for everyone else I can't stand her either.
Yeah , One good thing about getting up I've woke up to someone who at least gives a damn and cares about me. Someone who listens and wants to hear my thoughts. Named a bird after mee its funny and cute.

Off to the illusion of the world...........maybe we are already dead.

current mood: awake

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Monday, July 30th, 2001
3:45 pm - Choices
Well I'm sick of everyone making me feel like its always my fault. Its not , I've been the one betrayed. I opened up and trusted when I should have known better.I'm stronger then that and I not worthless sorry if everyone doesn't see that and want to use excuses why theygive up on me.

Love..... Yes it starts as a feeling something u want to have. You have to be willing to give it away and take arisk. I took that risk several times. I decided to love and hopefully love in return. Well no matter what I still love and will but its everyones choice to do what they want. Wish they would just let me know why and what they decided for good.

Time to go to work and pretend to be what I'm not happy and friend;y and like I giver a damn how people are. Its ok I got enough pointers from all my friends by what they do to me.

I wonder whatsd in store for me today.........

current mood: crushed

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Sunday, July 29th, 2001
10:40 pm - oNCE AGAIN THE WALL
God I hate this comp. Just wrote everything out and it shut down.

So anyway once again I'm rebuilding. I opened myself up and trusted and what did I get nothing but pain. I went and rented Wex Cravens Dracula 2000 the other night before I found out something. Of course usually these movies I found sensually , exciting and bitter sweet. Now just lonely and more darkness like what I sleep in.

I keep gewtting on to satusfy my hunger for love and all I get is pain. Looking for hope when there is nothing but a dream. The dream fades away but instead of waking its all a nightmare.
My heart is dripping nlood cause by anither mark ......I found intersting what someone told me just a second ago...

your sick of the way people are acting too you.. so ure getting stronger and not putting up with it..ure getting less guilable and less stupid and trusting people less.. and u are mad and so u get meaner..and u feel like nothing u do is rite..andi dunno if im right about that but i think i am

I think they are right so anyway this is just another thing to survive and hold on to , someday maybe I wont have to

current mood: cold

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4:59 pm - I must always be a victim
Love isnt who you picture yourself with, its who cant picture yourself without

current mood: lonely

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4:59 pm - I must always be a victim
Love isnt who you picture yourself with, its who cant picture yourself without

current mood: lonely

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1:57 am - wow beautiful words
AND WITH NOTHING LEFT WE DIE


sad is the life we live
untrue is the love we give
dishonest are the words we speak
non existent is the paradise we seek
and who do we blame this upon?
no one, we leave and we are gone


when we are gone will loved ones cry?
for with nothing left we all will die
no one cares we live lives of lies
and fall from the sky like wingless flies
the soundless screams and soundless cries
beg for innocence before she dies


horror finds us
loved ones leave us
death behind us nothing in front of us
black surrounds us
no light awaits us
notthing ever does


so on we live our horrible lives
some continue,others end it with knives
and continue we will to always lie
and many will scream and many will die
and with nothing left we all will die

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Saturday, July 28th, 2001
11:39 pm - lost again
Don't know what has happened. Something always comes along and makes me sad when I just get so happy. Is there something about me, my heart aches and my back starts to break from the strain. Why was I so happy and smiling....I was such an idiot to think it was I guess. Once again alonbe and no one cares.......... goodnight ....wondering.. wanting to share my soul...

current mood: depressed

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